Month: October 2016

P_oblematic: Three great songs that could’ve skipped the R-word

While running this morning–I know, I hate myself too–I was listening to The Exploding Hearts, and was caught off guard by the lyrics of one of my favorite tracks, “Sleeping Aides and Razorblades”.

“You know the first time you left me, babe it was so hard and it didn’t hurt that you told all my friends I’m a retard”

The whole song is a jaunty comic depiction of an off-again-on-again relationship and uses suicidal references for levity so it’s beyond obvious that “retarded” isn’t being used in a genuinely hateful way, but it’s tough to imagine the lyrics being penned in 2016.

However it occurred to me The Exploding Hearts aren’t the only band I love to flippantly include the R-word in an otherwise excellent song. Some are more defensible than others but really “retard” isn’t really integral to either “Sleeping Aides…” or these other songs.

“How Am I Not Myself” by The Shocking Pinks

In 2007, four years  after The Exploding Hearts put out the classic Guitar Romantic, The Shocking Pinks–a buzzy, one-man-band signed to DFA–released an incredible, self-titeld record.

That record includes some wonderful, emotive songs including the heavy-lidded pop of “This Aching Deal” and the utterly perfect “Second Hand Girl”.

Sandwiched in between those songs is “How Am I Not Myself?” which is a premium slice of Sad Bastard Music.

The song is pretty much an outpouring of depressing sentiment and imagery, so it’s not totally surprising when a really depressing relation dynamic is described as follows:

I love you when you’re happy/I love you when you’re sad/But I’d rather be a retard babe than be your motherfuckin’ dad

It’s an ugly sentiment in a song that’s lyrically the seeping ooze pumping out of a deep wound so it doesn’t seem out of place, just wholly unnecessary.

“Famine Affair” by of Montreal

Improbably of Montreal have been a thing for two decades. They began as a twee-indie-pop band with bizarre concept albums as likely to contain radio serial skits and character studies as songs about love.

Around 2004, things started to pick up a funky, electronic edge and glam influences crept in. Generally, this has been for the better, and it produced the masterful Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

All those influences are present and accounted for on the excellent “Famine Affair” off of 2010’s often overlooked False Priest, but since it’s included in the post you can guess what else is included–the word retard.

In what’s quickly becoming a theme for this list, the song is about a toxic relationship ending in entirely foreseeable disaster with Kevin Barnes singing about flying toward tragedy in a glass bottom airplane. But the next lines have always seemed to need more context.

Looping like a retard/Are you still playing the race card?

They basically work as a couplet in context of the song, so there’s really no reason the whole thing couldn’t have been scrapped from what is otherwise my all-time favorite breakup song for triumphant disco and Woody Allen reference reasons.

Honorable mention to: Jay Reatard and “Mongoloid” by Devo.

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to start a song

Dawned on me this morning that an awful lot of songs decide that the perfect way to kick off a song is with the sound of a drink being poured or smoke being inhaled. In my opinion, it’s an incredibly obnoxious way to start a song, but some bands pull it off better than others.

The songs that sample either Track 9 from Scott Aukerman and Paul F. Tompkins upcoming sound effects album or feature the always soothing sounds of someone inhaling smoke and loud coughing aren’t always bad after the annoying opening seconds, but some are outright terrible.

So here is a ranking from most to least annoying of songs that much like Rod, need to let you know they party.

“Smoke Two Joints” by Sublime

A perfect and obvious example of he most heinous end of the spectrum is “Smoke Two Joints” by Sublime, which also includes a cold open sample of Refer Madness.  It’s safe to say the sounds of a bong hit don’t exactly push an otherwise subtle, enjoyable song into tacky territory for a brief moment. This is the Spencer Gifts blacklight, felt poster of songs. It might be the most noxious track on an album that famously includes “Date Rape”.

“I Was a Teenage Hand Model” by Queens of the Stone Age

The closing track on the self-titled debut from Josh Homme and Co. is actually a pretty awesome song in its bones, but it goes on a little too long, includes some really distracting electronic abrasion  and there’s next to no reason for smoking noises to open the track. It’s always driven me insane. Here’s this loping, melodic, paino-driven tune that hints at the dulcet Jack Bruce-crooning that Homme can absolutely deliver, and it gets all gunked up by it’s non-musical components. It’s beyond infuriating, and I’ve always wished QOTSA recorded the track later in their existence, when they had to confidence to just let a slow song smolder.

“Gin and Juice” by Snoop Doggy Dogg

By virtue of featuring flatulence after the sounds of a drink being poured, this is by far the most obnoxious opening to any of these songs, but it quickly cedes to some velour G-funk tones. A stone-cold classic, such as “Gin and Juice”“Gin and Juice” can afford to shoot itself in the foot  and still come out more than OK.

“Sweet Leaf” by Black Sabbath

Technically, this song only features violent hacking coughing, but it’s a song called “Sweet Leaf” that boasts lyrics such as, “You introduced me to my mind.” It’s not too hard to parse out what’s going on. Normally, I’d find this totally repulsive, but Ozzy Osbourne delivers a pretty strong vocal performance, and Tony Iommi’s guitar riff in this song is incredibly iconic–even if it is tough to hear without chanting, “Ali Bobba and the 40 thieves,” when you hear it.

“What D’You Say?” by The Go! Team

Like “Teenage Hand Model” this is a song that has no real apparent need for the carbonated noises that open the track, but in this case, the fizzy sounds match the track’s bubbly tone. The Go! Team are always dependable for some absolutely joyous songs and this might be their most infectiously smiley tune.